A Struggle In My Heart

Ninety-three years ago on her maiden voyage, the grand ocean liner Titanic sank into the icy depths of the North Atlantic. The real tragedy here is that the ship had been mistakenly deemed unsinkable. As the dying ship began its descent, there were still people on board who didn't believe they were sinking.

I fear this is what is happening in my church as well. Rumors started circulating a few years ago that the Conference was seeking to close our church. Our current pastor was brought in hopes that his experience in urban ministry would help keep the church afloat. When he first came in, there was a bit of exuberance in the laity of the church. He started a contemporary service on Sunday mornings which has helped bring in some new faces.

But the exuberance has waned. The membership is declining (and oddly enough, our contemporary service is drawing more attendance than the traditional). Several key members (those who gave substantially to the church, that is) have left. Even before this year's stewardship campaign started, the church staff was warned to expect a reduction in salaries.

We used to be a grand old church. Decades ago, there were three services on Sunday - all filled to capacity, with people standing outside listening to the loudspeaker. Now we look as if to be another statistic in the decline of mainline churches. Clearly we do not have the membership base that requires a large church facility. And clearly we no longer have the financial means to support a large church facility, either. I think that will become more apparent to more people when our stewardship campaign is over.

I came to the church thirteen years ago to join the choir. It was only a matter of months when I came to a point when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I attended my first Walk to Emmaus (and served on many teams thereafter) at my church. I got married there. My stepdaughter was married there. My grandson was baptized there. I've celebrated the lives of both my inlaws and several other friends who have passed on there. Since joining the church, I've been involved in other ministries and I have grown tremendously in my faith.

But I still have a long way to grow in my faith, and I no longer have the confidence that I can do it in my own church for much longer. Choir is still a joy, but it isn't enough. And in the other ministries I'm involved with, there seems to be a futility to it all. It's not that I'm not being spiritually fed - it's just that I seem to only be getting crumbs. There are times when our church truly acts as the church should, but those times are getting fewer and farther between. Pretty sad when you consider the distance we drive to church and how many churches we pass on the way.

A friend of mine attends a nearby church. He and his wife decided to just try it out once - they've never looked anywhere else nor have they gone back to their old church. I've met others from the same church. One in particular just happened to go with his wife on the day his teenaged stepdaughter was supposed to be baptized (she had been killed in an auto accident the day before) - they both came to Christ as a result of that one visit.

It's difficult and painful to leave your home church. It's just as difficult to watch it die before your very eyes. I fear the ship is sinking and the time is approaching to abandon it. The time has come for S and I to discuss an exit strategy. I think the first step is to visit our friend's church and see what it's like. Then it's time to figure out when to make our move. But until that time comes, we will continue to support our church through our gifts, our talents, and our prayers. Your prayers are coveted.