Requiem For A Dad

Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis. (Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them.) -
-- prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours

I had a phone message from my good friend, Little M, on Sunday night. He called to say that his father, Big M, had passed away the night before. In the past several years, Big M has had his share of health problems. Now the Lord has called him home.

I think Little M summed it up best when I talked to him on Monday. Big M wasn't only his dad, but he was a dad to all of his friends. How true. I remember the occasional outing with Little M when Big M would tag along (or was it the other way around? It didn't matter - Big M was cool). Little M was best man at my wedding 12 years ago. We both recall fondly how Big M and my dad were hitting it off. I think Big M was getting into the wedding just as much as S and I's families were. But after all, Big M was an important part of my life, too.

Today's funeral mass was a fitting celebration of Big M's life. The priest had a wonderful sermon that truly touched my heart. He asked us how we were responding to Big M's passing. The answer was simple for me: I was there to thank God for Big M.

It was good to see Little M and his family again. I hadn't seen his mom since the wedding (she was quite surprised and delighted to see me). I had a nice visit with his sister, S, and met (again) his niece and nephew (who were just little tiny kids last time I saw them), plus many others, including Little M's cousin, M (who had some great stories from Little M's and S's childhood). The gathering at the house afterwards was a joyous occasion. Big M was fond of his Coors Light, and there was plenty of that (and other brands) to give him a last toast or two.

Little M and I have known each other 23 years now. We had grown pretty close in the early years, but lost touch. It had been quite some time (a couple of years or so) when I met up with him and told him I'd met S. A couple months later, I was asking him to be best man at my wedding. After that I hadn't seen him again until last summer. I regret letting myself squander this friendship over the years for numerous petty excuses. Big M was a casualty of that oversight, and I regret that I never saw him again after my wedding.

But being with the family today was a healing experience for me, and not the least bit awkward. Except for the absence of Big M, we just picked up where we left off. It was unconditional love.

Big M's legacy will live on - that we can be thankful for. But the world is certainly an emptier place without Big M. I saw his smiling face in the obituary - I will definitely miss that until I see again in heaven.

So long, Big M. You were a great dad.